im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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