I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
