dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
