Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So. Much. Porn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
