so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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