I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
