two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I cut my penus on the lid.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
