I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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