I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
