ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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