Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
