my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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