i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
