this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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