what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
