Why does Corona taste like a burp?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
