i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
