ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
