Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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