my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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