we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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