I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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