I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Boobs speak an international language.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
