Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
