My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
