I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
