oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
