I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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