Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize