I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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