walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
