Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
