I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
