fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
