JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
