Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My ass is underappreciated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
