shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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