sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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