he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
