nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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