Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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