I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's Friday. Sex?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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