jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
