woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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