there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
