is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
