He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
