Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I show you my penis last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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