I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
