scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
