I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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