i need an iv and a liver transplant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
