My Higher Power is John Stamos
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
