I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
