Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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