Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
