Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
