what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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