Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
