3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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