I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
