I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like God shit irony all over that family
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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