Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
