yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
