my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
whose parrot is this?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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