I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
