hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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