Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
