i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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