bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
