He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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