yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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