He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
