I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
