i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
