I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
