Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
